The Most Pretentious Things at a Wedding: A Personal Odyssey

The celebration of weddings, a joyous event filled with love, laughter, and toasts, sometimes veers into territories that range from indulgently pretentious to outright ridiculous. In this journey through weddings, I wish to explore and share some of the most pretentious moments I've witnessed, often within an air of unease.

A Rich Cousin’s Extravagance: A Country Club Extravaganza

In the mid-1990s, my rich cousin's wedding reception took place in an exclusive country club. Each table had a dedicated server, ready to instantly replace your dropped fork, refill your drink, or even clean up empty glasses. The atmosphere was tense, as guests felt uncomfortable leaving things unattended. This level of service might have been intended to add a touch of luxury, but it felt more like a source of unease. If that’s not pretentious, what is?

A Wedge Slides into an Exotic Wedding

Thirty years ago, at another wedding, the groom took it upon himself to showcase his and his bride's travels with an excess of 500 slides. This slideshow marathon lasted over two hours, holding the audience captive. The groom was his wife's high school art teacher, and while they were eccentric, the drama of the moment felt unnecessary. How did an art teacher's travels become such prime real estate for a wedding montage?

The Sangeet Phenomenon: A Cringeworthy Discharge of Love

Despite my southern upbringing, I remember attending a sangeet event, not knowing that it was so common in northern Indian weddings. The scale was enormous, with a hall and balcony rented out for around 1,000 people. Between dances, there were speeches celebrating the bride and groom’s relationship, despite no one having prepared a proper speech in advance. The speeches touched on random details, such as the bride's occasional crying or the groom's college trip to Las Vegas a decade earlier. Yet, the real spectacle was the constant reminders of the groom's wealth, as he haggled over paying for his own wedding, while his fiancée's father covered the costs.

The Finale: A Mob's Chaos

As the evening wore on, people began to leave, likely drawn to the food and drinks at the balcony. However, just when it seemed the sangeet would wind down, it exploded. Bouncers ushered people into the hall, signaling the start of a finale event. An emcee, a distant relative, recited a ballad about the couple's match made in heaven. This was sweet, but the final lines were dripping with drama: 'In love, we stay. You have limousines, but what about when you travel by bus?' The groom was wealthy, arguably enough to end world hunger, yet the emphasis on cheaper travel highlighted a paradox of moral superiority. This level of pretentiousness and self-presentation in front of guests was uncomfortable and, frankly, toxic.

Conclusion

Whether it's at an exclusive country club with devoted servers at every turn, a grand slideshow marathon, or an elaborate sangeet where love is celebrated at the expense of authenticity, the pretension in some weddings can be overwhelming. Despite appearances, the true beauty of a wedding lies in the love shared by the couple and their joy radiated to their guests. All other embellishments can sometimes overshadow this simple, beautiful core.