Why Do Girls Get Offended When Men Request Demo Meals During Arranged Marriages?

The practice of requesting a potential bride-to-be to prepare a demo meal during an arranged marriage meeting is quite traditional and common in many cultures. However, in recent years, this practice has faced increasing criticism for various reasons. One of the most common reasons for offense is the perception that it may be indirectly sexist or reinforcing outdated gender roles. In this article, we delve into why such requests might offend girls and provide insights on how such encounters can be more respectful.

Understanding the Tradition

During arranged marriages, the goal is to assess compatibility and suitability in a manner that is traditionally seen as safeguarding the interests of both families. One aspect of this assessment often involves culinary skills, as food is a cultural and societal staple in many societies. Men, in some cases, may ask the potential bride to prepare a meal to gauge her domestic capabilities and ability to manage a household.

The Problem with Gender Biases

There is a growing concern that such requests may perpetuate certain gender biases. Women are increasingly becoming bread earners and are not necessarily interested in an arranged marriage that perpetuates traditional expectations of their roles as homemakers. When such requests are perceived as a form of evaluation based on gender, it can be seen as offensive and discriminatory.

Alternative Approaches

A more respectful and inclusive approach could involve creating reciprocal arrangements where both parties are asked to prepare a meal or showcase their skills in a way that is mutually beneficial and respectful. This could include:

The Lady’s Turn: Instead of just expecting the bride-to-be to prepare a meal, both sides could be invited to share a dish they are particularly proud of. This could be a vegetarian meal, like paneer, as mentioned in the case of the colleague’s team. Both men and women bring their specialties to the table, ensuring a more equal and respectful interaction. Joint Cooking: Organizing a cooking session where both the man and woman can cook together could be a delightful way to test their teamwork and appreciation for each other's culinary skills. Communication and Transparency: It is crucial to communicate openly and make it clear that the purpose of the meal is not to assess domestic capabilities but to build a mutual understanding and respect for each other's interests and abilities.

Valuing Women beyond Traditional Roles

The evolving mindset around gender roles and expectations means that women are not just looking for partners who can meet traditional criteria. Many women are career-oriented and value partners who respect their independence and share similar values. The approach to arranged marriages should reflect these changes by focusing on compatibility, mutual respect, and shared interests.

Conclusion

While the tradition of requesting demo meals during arranged marriages is longstanding, it is crucial to adapt and evolve with the changing times. By fostering mutual respect and understanding, both men and women can create a more equitable and enjoyable process. It is not about diminishing traditional practices but about ensuring that they evolve in a way that respects and values both parties equally.

Keywords: arranged marriage, culinary skills, gender roles