Have You Ever Loved Someone and Not Told Them?
Have you ever experienced the overwhelming feeling of love that never found a voice? Many of us have harbored unspoken feelings for someone, only to look back and wonder what might have been. This is a reflective journey through such experiences and the complexities of unexpressed love.
My Story of Unspoken Love
Yes, I have. There was a time I loved someone deeply, yet I hesitated to express it. I even believed I did a good job of hiding these feelings from him and the people around us, but looking back, I realize I might have been delusional. I tried to convey my feelings through signs, but I struggled to read his reactions. Deep down, part of me felt guilty for keeping these emotions to myself, afraid of hurting people's feelings.
Shared Interests and Precious Moments
Our shared interests and meaningful conversations were a part of our relationship. We talked about music, art, beliefs, and religions—topics that sparked deep discussions. We shared precious moments, which I documented in my journal. He taught me how to speak my mind, to express myself openly and honestly.
Every touch, every care, and every look from him made me feel like there was something unspoken between us. I wished that he could sense the depth of my feelings. However, I found myself in a paradoxical situation. I felt like I was too lonely, craved love, and perhaps misread his signals, leading to more confusion and pain.
Ironically, I never told anyone about these feelings. The fear of hurting others, including him, weighed heavily on me. I often found myself crying at night, wishing to remove the pain in my heart, but I never knew if he felt the same.
Exploring My Feelings and Self-Doubt
When it comes to confessing feelings, I have always found it challenging. Over the years, I have noticed that I can develop a crush on someone for a short period but lose interest quickly, making it difficult to communicate my feelings. Intimacy and attraction have become fleeting experiences, and it's not just about the physical aspect. The emotional investment required for a romantic relationship scares me.
My Rejection Priorities
Not too long ago, I rejected several romantic proposals. My mother once arranged a relationship with a friend's daughter, which I turned down. The thought of dating never seemed appealing to me. Over time, I have become what some might call romantically dulled. Throughout my adolescence, my weight gain made me feel unworthy of love, and these feelings have persisted into adulthood.
Impact of Past Experiences
My past experiences, including my involvement with MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way), have further deepened my reluctance to express love. The idea of romantic relationships feels less comforting, and the thought of sustaining them is daunting. My family has romantic partners, even a 13-year-old cousin, while my brother and I remain the odd ones out. This added another layer of complexity to my thoughts about love and relationships.
Conclusion
Unspoken love is a universal experience often tinged with regret and self-doubt. Whether it's a crush that never materializes or deep-seated feelings that go unexpressed, these experiences teach us valuable lessons about ourselves and our fears. It's important to recognize our feelings and, if possible, communicate them, even if it brings discomfort or vulnerability. Only then can we potentially move on, grow, and perhaps find a deeper connection with someone.