Supporting a Loved One with Behavioral Changes During Late Hours

I'm sorry to hear that you're dealing with a difficult and challenging situation. When a loved one exhibits behaviors that impact the family, it can be especially stressful, especially with young children in the mix. Here are some steps you might consider to help your husband,

1. Open Communication

Choose a Good Time: Try to talk to him when he's more receptive. Perhaps during the day when he's more awake and not preoccupied with his drinking.

Express Concern: Share your feelings about his behavior and how it affects you and the children. Use ‘he’ and ‘him’ when referring to your husband to maintain a neutral tone. For example, you might say, 'I'm worried about you and our children when you return home so late and under the influence.'

2. Encourage Professional Help

Suggest Therapy: Encourage him to talk to a therapist or counselor. Professional help can be crucial in addressing underlying issues. You can say, 'It sounds like you might benefit from talking to a professional who can provide support.'

Support Groups: Look into support groups for substance use or mental health issues that he might find helpful. These groups can offer a safe space for him to share his struggles and find community support. You can mention, 'Have you considered joining a support group where you can connect with others who are going through similar experiences?'

3. Create a Supportive Environment

Be Patient: Change takes time, and he may need your support and understanding. You can express this by saying, 'I know change is hard, and it's important for him to understand that I'm here for him through this process.'

Set Boundaries: While being supportive, ensure you set clear boundaries regarding his drinking, especially around the kids. You might say, 'I think it's important to set boundaries to protect our children and ensure everyone's safety. Can we agree on a plan together?'

4. Take Care of Yourself

Self-Care: Make sure you're also taking care of your own mental and physical health. Consider reaching out to friends or family for support. You can share, 'It's crucial for me to take care of myself too. Would you like to catch up for coffee or chat about how we can support each other?'

Seek Help for the Kids: If possible, seek help with childcare to give yourself breaks and reduce stress. You might suggest, 'Could we look into a babysitter or day care to help us manage our responsibilities and take some much-needed time for ourselves?'

5. Explore Possible Triggers

Identify Stressors: Consider what might be causing his behavior. Stress, depression, or significant life changes can contribute. You can ask, 'Do you feel there might be underlying reasons for your late nights and drinking?'

Encourage Healthy Habits: Promote activities that could help him feel better, like exercise, hobbies, or spending time outdoors. You might say, 'It would be great to find healthy ways for you to manage stress. Have you considered going for a walk or trying a new hobby?'

6. Involve a Trusted Person

Reach Out to Family or Friends: Sometimes hearing concerns from others can be more impactful. If there's someone he trusts, consider involving them. You can mention, 'Maybe you could speak to a trusted family member or friend who can gently bring up your concerns.'

7. Be Prepared for Resistance

Understand Denial: He may not recognize the severity of the situation. Be prepared for possible defensiveness and try to remain calm. You can say, 'I understand you might not see the issues, but I just want you to know I'm here to support you and it's important for us to talk about this together.'

8. Emergency Situations

Safety First: If he becomes a danger to himself or others, don’t hesitate to seek emergency assistance. You might say, 'If you ever feel unsafe or need immediate help, please don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional or emergency services.'

Conclusion

Helping a loved one through a tough time can be challenging, especially when children are involved. It's important to approach the situation with care and compassion while also prioritizing your and your children's well-being. If you feel overwhelmed, consider seeking support for yourself as well.