Reflections on Dowry in Marriage: A Personal Perspective

When it comes to dowry in marriage, personal beliefs and family practices play a significant role. This article reflects on my experience and views on the dowry system, particularly in the context of marriage in Assam, India.

Respective Mindset in Assam

Firstly, it's important to note that the dowry system is not officially practiced in Assam. However, there are instances where families seek financial benefits from the bride's family. My family, being highly liberal and progressive, actively discourages dowry practices. In my case, my husband clearly stated that he believes in equality and doesn't seek or give dowry. This stance is echoed by our acceptance of the personal belongings the bride brings into the marriage, which includes jewelry and other personal items used only by her.

Marriage with My Husband

During my marriage, everything that was brought from my parents' home was my personal property purchased for the wedding ceremony. My husband accepted these items and made it clear that my needs are to be directed to him rather than my parents. He ensures that all my needs are met, thus eliminating the need for financial support from my family.

Dowry Practices in India

There are two types of dowry practices in India: Get Dowry by Forced and Get Dowry for Family Status. In my place and society, marriages are predominantly for family status, where both the bride and groom come from financially stable backgrounds. Grooms with good jobs, houses, cars, and savings often receive dowries as a symbol of the family's status. Conversely, those from lower-middle or lower classes often cannot afford dowries, hence the practice is less common in these families.

Many families in my community, though from lower-middle or lower classes, still feel a sense of pride and status when it comes to dowries. In my case, we requested no dowry from these families, but they insisted on offering a small amount, ranging from 1 to 5 sovrens of gold. However, this did not deter the other families from looking for suitors who meet their ideal standards.

Challenges of Finding a Marriage Partner

Due to societal pressures, particularly from women desiring a partner with an ideal combination of:

Looks akin to Amitabh Bachchan or Salman Khan (well-known actors in India) Earned income Own home and assets

Matching this ideal often proves challenging, even for individuals from financially stable backgrounds. For instance, I was looking for a partner from an upper-middle-class family, but this proved difficult. As a result, I expanded my search to the middle and lower-middle classes. Despite providing a clear no-dowry policy, many families from these backgrounds were still reluctant to marry their daughters to a partner without a substantial dowry. This led to a period of my remaining unmarried at 39 years old.

A Personal Anecdote

Even when my family extended the hand of marriage to my uncle's daughter from a lower-middle-class background, they badly needed support during a hard time. Despite the help we provided, they still denied the proposal, labeling it arrogant behavior. This story underscores the belief that greedy and uncaring brides and families who seek dowries deserve this practice, as it reflects their lack of empathy and values.

Conclusion

As a spouse and a member of a progressive family, my stance on dowry reflects a deep commitment to equality and mutual respect in marriage. While societal pressures and expectations can be overwhelming, personal beliefs and actions can make a significant difference. The future of marriage in India hinges on understanding, compassion, and a rejection of outdated practices.