Fist Fights and Family Dynamics: Insights from a Former Martial Artist

Have you ever fist-fought your father? If so, how did it go and why did you fight? These stories, personal and varied, offer unique insights into family dynamics and the complex relationship between parents and children. This article explores one individual's experiences and reflections, highlighting the role of family background and personal temperament in such conflicts.

Introduction to Family and Conflict

I have not had the experience of fist-fighting my father, and here are the reasons why. Firstly, I am not an angry or violent person and saw no need for such actions. Mind you, there were a few instances of violence, but they were of short duration, as my body has natural instincts to handle conflicts swiftly. Secondly, my father is a retired Marine and Air National Guardsman, and despite looking physically weak, he is undoubtedly not so.

Family Background and Early Conflicts

My father and I had a tumultuous history. He wasn't around much until my mother passed away when I was 13. Moving from Detroit, Michigan, to Burlington, Iowa, at 16 to live with my father was a significant transition. He had never lived with children or teenagers, and I, too, was not used to a father figure.

My father was a former University heavyweight "karate" coach in the 1980s, an era when most martial arts programs were lumped under the "karate" umbrella. He also trained with Bill 'Superfoot' Wallace. By 16, I had been in TKD and was a fairly competent kickboxer who had engaged in several fist fights. When I finally decided to punch him in the nose, I was surprised when he blocked my jab with a kick, a painful inside crescent kick. His move nearly spun me 180°, and then he hit me once, causing me to fall down a flight of stairs. That was the end of that particular encounter.

Escalation and Resolution

About 18 months later, during my senior year with winter break, my personal life had undergone significant changes. I had already completed basic training for the Army and was playing football. Standing 5'11" with 190 pounds of solid muscle, no fat, I was a formidable figure. On a lighthearted note, I got into a heated exchange of words with my father, and he, in turn, got mad. He grabbed me by my shirt and shoved me against a wall hard enough to break the window four feet away. Desperate to diffuse the situation, cooler heads prevailed, and he did not beat me to a pulp.

The Role of Family History and Martial Arts

My father's sporting background in boxing during college was a significant factor. From ages 10 to 16, he made me wear the gloves with him, often as a preemptive measure to teach me what would happen if I ever fought him. In all these experiences, he never fought me when angry and never beat me badly. He did, however, demonstrate his dominance with a decisive and thorough demonstration of his skills.

At around 17, I suggested an arrangement where, for every three-minute round in the boxing ring with him, he would spend the same amount of time practicing judo with me. This proposal put an end to these boxing exchanges.

Concluding Thoughts

The stories of fist fights and family conflicts are not just isolated incidents but windows into larger narratives of family dynamics and personal resilience. Understanding the underlying factors and the role of mutual respect can help in navigating difficult family relationships and resolving conflicts more amicably.