Dowry in Marriage: My Personal Journey and Reflection

India is a vast and diverse country, with its own unique cultural and social norms. One traditional custom that has been widely debated is the dowry system. In my personal journey, I have faced various challenges and decisions related to dowry, as I have neither accepted nor demanded it. This article explores my views on dowry and how societal expectations have influenced my personal and professional life.

Introduction to Dowry in My State: Assam

Unlike some parts of India, the state of Assam does not have a strong tradition of dowry. However, recently some individuals do seek financial benefits from the bride’s family. Despite this, my family and I strongly believe in respecting and promoting a modern approach to marriage. In the following sections, I will share my personal experience and the broader societal context surrounding dowry in today’s Indian society.

Liberal Family and Personal Beliefs

My family is very liberal and progressive-minded. Over the years, we have witnessed firsthand how dowry can lead to harassment of the bride's family. Hence, we do not seek or accept dowry. When I got married, my husband openly stated that he does not believe in dowry. He was willing to accept me regardless of the wedding gifts I brought from my parents' home.

Indeed, I had many personal items and jewelry that I brought with me. Since all these items were personal and would be used only in our marital home, my husband accepted them. My parents and I have strict instructions from him that no expensive gifts or special purchases should be made for me. Instead, if I require anything, I must inform my husband and not my parents.

Dowry System in India: Two Types

In India, there are generally two types of dowry: dowry sought by forced means and dowry provided for family status. In my community, most marriages involve dowry for family status, where the groom and his family are already well-settled, possessing a good job, own house, car, bank balance, and no debts.

When searching for a bride, the families often look for someone from a similar socio-economic background. In such cases, even though the family does not demand dowry, they may offer it as a symbol of their family status. Common dowry items include a car, a flat, or 30-100 sovrans of gold. However, for those from lower middle-class families, who may not even own a house, car, or have good bank balance, dowry is not feasible.

Personal Experiences and Challenges

Since my family and I come from an upper middle-class background, we faced no pressure to seek or accept dowry. We specifically mentioned that we do not want dowry from any of the girls. Despite this, many lower middle-class families still wished to give dowry, and we accepted anything from 1 to 5 sovrins. However, the girls in these families wanted a groom with a combination of good looks, educational qualifications, and financial stability, which was not always possible.

This led to a situation where, even at the age of 39, I remained unmarried. To broaden my search, I considered marrying my uncle’s daughter from the lower middle class. However, they also denied the proposal, despite the absence of dowry. This experience taught me that some people, even in dire need, lack the humility and gratitude to accept help.

Conclusion

Dowry, for many people, is a symbol and a means of ensuring social status and respect. However, it has resulted in numerous injustices and societal problems. As a proponent of modern values, my family and I have chosen not to accept or demand dowry. Instead, we insist on honesty, mutual respect, and understanding as the basis for building a relationship.

Ultimately, the choice to have dowry or not should be based on personal and cultural values, and not on societal pressures or greed. It is crucial to focus on building meaningful and honest relationships, ensuring that love and respect are the true foundation of marriage.