What Happened That Made You Realize Who Your Parents Really Are

It was a revelation that changed the course of my life. Discovering that my mother's naps were not due to fatigue but to excessive alcohol consumption, and seeing the fridge stocked with beer instead of juices or soda, was a stark realization. One memorable incident was when I saw a screwdriver instead of orange juice in the pitcher, a homemade concoction based on their drink of choice.

Forcing Their Own Interests Over Mine

Throughout my life, my parents consistently prioritized their own interests over mine. They forced their values and actions into my life, often compromising my morals and ethics to suit their needs. They would even go so far as to ask me to help prove lies and fraudulent activities, actions that I found completely unacceptable and refused to participate in.

A Deep Realization and Acceptance

Not until I was 35 did I finally understand that my parents did the best they could with the guidance and modeling they received from their own parents. This realization made me cognizant of the path I might follow as I aged—my ways and attitudes would likely reflect those of my parents due to the cyclical nature of familial influence. I came to understand that one cannot change another, and that there are limits to personal transformation.

My mother often used the term "toleration," which I interpreted as an acceptance of reality, not simply a passive coexistence. This perspective helped me navigate life's challenges and accept the human nature of imperfect parenting.

The Power and Anguish of Growing Up

By the age of eight, I experienced the reality of my father's power and influence in the household. My mother rarely spoke about her life before marriage, masking her true identity until after her death, when I discovered extensive documentation and newspaper articles revealing her past.

As a child, I had recurrent nightmares in which my mother was a demonic figure. Unbeknownst to me, I was right; she was indeed selfish and narcissistic, disregarding my safety and well-being. By the time I reached my mid-teens, I also learned that my father, previously depicted as a demon, was in fact a loving and caring parent. This revelation was both enlightening and painful.

Experiencing the abuse meted out by my parents and witnessing them defend their actions was one of the most harrowing experiences of my childhood. It was a severe betrayal to see those individuals, who were supposed to protect and care for me, instead harming and justifying their own actions.

Coming to terms with reality and understanding the true nature of my parents was a long and challenging process. It forced me to re-evaluate my own values and how I would parent when the time came for me to have children of my own. This journey of self-discovery was not just about understanding my parents but also about growing into a mature and resilient individual.